The quality of our lives depends on the strength of the relationships we build and nurture. As young people thinking about our futures, we are interested in how marriage is seen by young people today.
According to the Office for National Statistics, marriages are at the lowest rate ever in the UK. In our group at Benfield School we all have different opinions. Yasmin Akbari is a muslim and feels that marriage is the strongest bond a relationship can have. ‘If you’re with someone and you’re not married, it’s not right thing to do. Marriage, from my point of view, is the right thing to do.’Edi Domingos agrees: ‘I am a Christian,’ he says, ‘and the Bible says that not being married is a sin.’
Some of us have strong opinions about why not to tie the knot.‘It seems too stressful!’ says Diane Diogo. ‘Boyfriends treat you better, says Anamay Sow, ‘When they know you might not be there forever, they will always treat you better.’ She claims that her own family’s experiences have influenced her. Anamay’s father had seven wives in Guinea Bissau. ‘It wasn’t his fault,’ she says, ‘his father was strict and he was obliged to get married to them. But it’s made me realise that men will usually want more than they have!’
We also each have different associations with marriage rituals.Daniela says, ‘Portugal is largely Catholic. In my country the woman wear a white dress and the man a suit.’ Madieh Safarimooki remembers weddings in Iran: ‘We have 3 days of celebration. On a special night people put henna on the hands of the bride and groom, then put money in their hands. It is said that whoever catches the money will be the next marry.’ Yasmin Akbari, from Afghanistan, is also familiar with the practise of henna painting, Mendhi, an important Isamic tradition. ‘The girls’ friends come round and put henna on her hands and the second day is the wedding ceremony.’
We asked Graeme Armstrong, from Relate in Newcastle upon Tyne, whether many people seek marriage counselling due to cultural issues. ‘We often do, but most couples have cultural issues. Sometimesthe beliefs in two backgrounds can be very different even if they’ve been brought up relatively close geographically.’
Divorces most often occur in the 25-30 age-group, so what does our expert think is the secret to a good relationship? ‘Listen well, really pay attention,’ he advises. ‘Step into the person’s shoes. Take time, be patient, nurture the relationship. Remember, the more you put in, the more you’ll get out.’
Have our opinions on marriage changed?’ I’ve learned a lot,’ says Yasmin, ‘Everyone’s different and their opinions are different. We should always respect what others say because it’s up to them.’ Zina says, ‘I wanted to get married so badly. I thought I’d find a guy, fall in love, get married, have a pink wedding dress. Not any more - I’m going to wait a very long time!’
About this story:
This article was produced by Zainab Abdalla, Mahamoud Abdalla, Masuod Akbari, Yasmin Akbari, Diana Diogo, Mahdieh Safarimooki, Parham Safarimooki and Daniel Venda
