First, it was the baby boom in celebrity land. And now the latest fad seems to be to name the newest family addition something “exotic” but frankly ridiculous. After all, how else can you pass on that extraordinary fame?
In recent weeks, the world has welcomed Moses, Gwyneth and Chris Martin's baby - new brother to sister Apple. And then there’s Suri the eagerly awaited daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. But this naming madness has to end, says Charlotte Lytton, 15, before more children get scarred for life…
The recent birth of Moses, the son of Oscar winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow has brought a whole new spiritual meaning to the world of naming celebrity kids. From fruits to numbers to transportation devices, the baby name barrier has been well and truly broken.
Whilst the British nation was shocked at the Beckham's decision to name their three children, Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz - nowadays it seems that being named after a place, a Shakespearian character or a religious symbol are a lot closer to the norm than we could ever have realised.
Forget Sarah or Jack, it’s all Dixie Dot, Lark Song and Seven Sirius in the celebrity offspring kingdom. You can even stretch as far as naming your child Pilot Inspektor without anyone batting an eyelid.
But although it may be cute to name your child Pirate or Bibi Belle, are celebrity parents really thinking of the long-term effects these names are going to have on their children? Is it really cool to have a 90-year-old grandad called Sage Moonblood? What can Apple and Moses really look forward to when they start school? "Holy Moses!" And what serious answer can Apple give to the question: "Hey, Apple are your parents bananas?"
Even though there's a long way before I become pregnant, being exposed to these crazy baby names at my age has seriously dissuaded me from committing a similar offence.
It surprises me that modern day celebrities show no remorse for naming shockers like Schuyler Fisk and Phinnaeus. Sure it may seem like the right name for the first few weeks, but when that child becomes a teenager and starts to hate you, don't just blame it on hormones.
And it’s not just those living it up in the American sunshine that have taken to this tradition either. Little Pixie, Fifi Trixabelle, Misty Kyd and Betty Kitten are all the products of mad British parents, which clearly demonstrate that this fad has taken over the globe.
Although to me these names seem completely crazy, parts of them appear on more than one celebrity baby birth certificate. Names like Moon have been given to the offspring of both Sylvester Stallone and Frank Zappa. And Bono, lead singer of ageing rock band U2 has really made sure his son stands out from the crowd with Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q. Bono really left nothing to the imagination with this showstopper. So from Zowie Bowie to Jermajesty, it seems these kids will only have thoughts of huge inheritance fees to ease the pain of their obscurely named lives.
About the team
This story was by written by Charlotte Lytton, 15 and edited by Annabel McLeod. It was published by Reach for the Sky website.
