Love’s young dream leaves us cold
In a world where eleven-year-olds look more like 16-year-olds and girls who are too young to sit their GCSEs are mothers, whatever happened to "sweet 16 and never been kissed"?
In the run up to Valentine's Day, Children's Express youngsters express their feelings. And their verdict? Love is…no big deal.
| It’s up to you how you express your feelings, not the card companies. That’s not love, that’s profit. |
In spite of all the window-dressing and the hype that is intended to release one, mass outpouring of affection on February 14, today's teenagers have a very down-to-earth attitude towards love and romance, says Sarah Chowdrey, a member of the young people's news service project in Sheffield.
Love is not their be-all and end-all. There are more important things in life - and they think Valentine's Day is all hype - and a waste of time and money.
Co-member Natalie Ansell, 15, of Norton Lees agrees: "I think relationships at our age are taken far too seriously, and being young we just need to enjoy it. We wouldn't even use the word 'relationship'. 'Going out' is much less serious and more open."
Laura Smith, 13, of Wincobank, is equally frank: "Within school, romance is not really a word you would use to describe a relationship. The more likely case is you're just 'going out', you only see each other in school, you hardly speak and you'll have broken up in two weeks.
| | The CE guide to relationships and a happy Valentine's Day | | Presents given by young lovers are not always welcome. "Your card is either guaranteed to either be completely awful - walking round with a metre-high frilly pink heart will not do wonders for your street credibility --or it will be from the wrong person, leading to red faces, embarrassment and awkward sweaty-palmed conversations," says Tessa. | | Never give up hope, even if you don't think you're attractive. "The posers don't always get the girl, or boy," says Laura. "People who aren't really interested in the opposite sex get a lot people asking them out. They seem more interesting." | | Don't be too surprised if boys take less of an interest in Valentine's Day. "They wouldn't know how to treat a girl if you knocked them over the head," says Abbie-Lee Armitage, 13, of Wadsley Bridge. | | Even just sharing a little affection can have results. "I hardly receive any cards, but I think even if you receive one card then it makes people feel wanted and puts a smile on their face," notes Rachel. | | Remember that money can't buy you love. Says one Children's Express member: "One of my friends spent £50 on a boy to show her affection and the next day he dumped her. He never even gave the presents back." | | The simplest messages are sometimes the best, says Tessa. "The most romantic thing I ever saw was a plain postcard. All it had on it was 'I miss you'. I thought that was really sweet." | | Valentine's Day is supposed to be a celebration of romance, but it has its downside. "Valentine's Day causes so much jealousy, even between friends," says Erin Heenan, 13, of Hoyland. "It's really sad that people have to feel that way on a day which symbolises love and romance." | |
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"Personally I've never had a serious relationship with a boy. I don't know what it feels like to be in love or have my heart broken."
"What is romance? Giving your boy or girlfriend your last Rolo, a rose now and then and saying 'I love you'? Probably."
Holly Gilmore, 13, is blunt in her opinion of Valentine's Day: "Teenage girls already had a reputation for being boy crazy and this silly day makes it worse. Why should we need presents to make us feel appreciated? Valentine's Day lowers self-esteem, breaks hearts and leaves many people feeling lonely."
Of course, there will always be the attraction and excitement of secret gifts given and received, but young people also have an awareness of the downside. It brings out a whole range of emotions - not all of them positive, as Tessa Robins, 15, of Hathersage, says.
"It's over-hyped and it's bound to be an anticlimax. If you don't get a card or anything, you feel dejected, especially when you see your best friend receiving her 18th bunch of roses."
Rachel Walmsley, 14, of Firth Park, agrees: "Teenagers can be put down if their classmates have received cards and other's haven't. It rubs it in their faces."
Boys - on the surface, at least - tend to be dismissive of the whole thing, with comments ranging from "pointless" to "Valentine schmalentine! What's it for?" to a secret grudging acceptance: "The only good thing is when you get a card and you don't know who it's from."
But beneath the cynicism and their reservations about Valentine's Day itself, young people are very positive about showing affection towards each other.
"Affection, for people you care for, should be shown every day but I know in reality this does not apply," says 12-year-old Lucas Davison, of Rotherham.
Jennifer Matthews, 16, of Beighton, takes a balanced view of the whole thing: "Whatever happened to that 'die for your lover even though you've only known them about three days' love you get in Romeo and Juliet? It's still around, but the way to express it isn't once a year via a huge card or balloon that will cost a fortune.
"It's up to you how you express your feelings, not the managers of card companies out to make extra pounds. That's not love, that's profit."
About the team
This story was produced by the Children's Express Sheffield bureau. It was published in The Sheffield Star.
