How do birth children react when their parents take in foster children? Children's Express talked to young people in the West Midlands about sharing their homes and parents.
| Sometimes you want to fight with them but you can’t because you know it would get your mum into trouble. |
Birth children are a vital ingredient in making foster placements work. But too often they receive inadequate preparation, information and support.
Young foster siblings we spoke to would like to be given more information before a placement begins and to be able to talk to other birth children whose families have fostered about their experiences. They also believe that social workers on placement teams should make extra efforts to support birth children after a placement is made.
Most of the birth children we interviewed were happy that their families were fostering - they just wanted to be a better informed and have their views taken into consideration.
Spike Cook, aged 15, from Sutton Coldfield, was nine when his family first fostered two children. Since then his family have had a succession of long and short-term placements of children with behavioural problems. Spike is happy that his parents have consulted him and says he doesn't mind having foster siblings. But he admits it can be very difficult.
"Some of the kids lose their temper and are constantly throwing or biting or whatever. I don't like it when they are cocky to my mum and I just have to stand there and watch it. Sometimes you want to have a fight with them but you can't because you know it would get your mum into trouble."
Spike's mother Jane Cook is chair of the Birmingham branch of the National Foster Carers Association. She believes that birth children's support is vital if a placement is to be successful.
"When we decided to foster, my youngest son was too young to be involved in the process but we sat down with Spike and talked about how it would affect him, because it does affect them. I'm lucky that my kids are very understanding. I couldn't do it without their consent."
Because Cook specialises in fostering children with behavioural problems, her family's life has frequently been disrupted. And she acknowledges that lack of information about the children she is taking on can cause problems.
"One lad brought into us was very violent and we found out later that he'd injured his sibling but nobody told us that, and he was sharing a room with our youngest child.
"He would hit the kids, he'd spit his food out while he was eating. After four months our youngest child said he didn't like him and asked if he could go and I said yes. We listen to our children, if they feel that they really cannot live with that foster child, you have to make that decision. You can't foster to the detriment of your own children."
Andrew Hopkins, aged 12, from Birmingham, was three-years-old when his parents first fostered a child. He currently has two foster siblings, one of whom has severe learning difficulties and Downs syndrome. He says they are part of his family now and has this advice for birth children about to get a new foster sibling.
"You need to try and become friends with them because that will help you a lot and you need to have your own space and find a different room to go to when you want to revise or have some time on your own."
Mark Fairhead, head of children looked after at Birmingham social services, acknowledges that more should be done to give birth children the support they deserve.
"These children's experiences are a timely reminder to all agencies of how important it is to consider all the aspects of a carer and their family when providing placements for looked-after children. The voice of birth children within fostering families is one that is often not given sufficient consideration and as a result difficulties can ensue."
Birth children do a very important job in helping foster children settle into a new family. Any attempt to make this difficult time for them easier would be very welcome - for everyone involved.
One child's story
Lewis is 14-years-old and lives in Birmingham. Last year his family decided to foster a child. This is his story.
"We were introduced to an eight-year-old girl who had been in short-term placements for about five years and needed a long-term placement. When we first went to meet her I felt optimistic. But we hadn't received background information and so didn't know that she had behavioural problems.
"I feel that during the two week introductory period we were rushed and weren't able to get to know her. On the first night she stayed with us she cried and screamed until late. We thought that this was to be expected for the first few days but it didn't stop for about two months. This made the whole family tired and made it hard for my sister to revise for her SATS. Also my mum and dad didn't have so much time for us because my foster sister was so noisy and bad.
"She then started to hit and pinch us if she didn't get her own way. If we went out anywhere she would show us up and scream. All of this made us very upset. She got so bad that we could not put up with it and we had to ask her social worker to take her away. It was quite sad but once she had gone I felt very relieved. If my family was going to foster again I would ask more questions about behaviour and I would also ask for a longer introductory period."
About the team
This article was produced by Lewis Bray, 14, Tom Willshire, 16 and Tom Carney, 16. It was published in Community Care magazine.
