Now one in three marriages is a remarriage, stepfamilies have become the norm. The government is concerned, yet many children and teenagers in stepfamilies are happy with their home life just the way it is.
| At first my mum and Dave said they were just friends, but they didn’t act like it and soon they were getting married. |
Kirsty, 15, is the first to admit her family set-up is complicated: I live with my mum, stepdad and half brother on Tuesday, Thursday and alternate weekends, and my dad, stepmum and normal brother on Mondays, Wednesdays and other weekends.
But - contrary to popular expectation - she likes it that way: It's just like having two mums and two dads.
Often young people in stepfamilies cope better with change than the adults involved. Joanne, 13, would rather see her mum happy with someone else than alone. My mum has a special friend, Pete, she sees twice a week. He's really nice. I said, 'He should move in with us.' Mum got really angry and embarrassed.
Meeting new partners - and potential stepparents - appears to be more of an ordeal for an adult than their child. Joanne was unfazed when it happened to her. When I was seven, I went back to my dad's flat and he said, 'This is Mary.' I thought, 'Yeah, whatever, she seems alright'.
Kids suggest the threat of lasting damage has been overplayed and splitting up can strengthen families who stay together for the wrong reasons.
Kirsty, 15, was relieved when the break-up finally occurred. Mum said, 'Your dad and I don't love each other any more.' I always suspected it. Now we've talked about everything, I get on really well with my mum and dad and I feel close to both of them.
What can adults do to minimise the pain? Openness is key says Lucy. At first my mum and Dave said they were just friends, but they didn't act like it and soon they announced they were getting married. It really disturbed me and my stepsister. Nobody had been truthful with us.
Names have been changed. This work was supported by the National Stepfamilies Association.
About the team
This article was produced by Stuart Fletcher, 17, Henrietta Norton, 16, Rachel Kellett, 14, and Kierra Box, 14. It was published in Local Government Voice Solo.
