Emotional bullying can be devastating and isolate young victims - but everyone has the means within them to put a stop to it. So said a group of teenagers from London's Tower Hamlets when they spoke to journalists at Children's Express.
| It’s terrible. You cry, you go home and you turn to your teachers. You turn to so many people. |
"There will always be bullies. It's human nature." For teenagers like Imran* being bullied is part of growing up. One in four primary students and one in ten secondary students are bullied, according to Childline. Yet despite a growing number of initiatives aimed at tackling the problem, victims remain pessimistic about the future. "You can't eliminate it - it's not a disease," says Imran.
For young people, bullying is less about physical violence and more to do with name calling and being excluded. "I think you can get to someone psychologically without having to hit them or anything. Just by signs and signals or having them harassed in different ways," says Amina,17.
"Bullying could be a slight thing like everyone calling a person a name," agrees Darrell, 16. This was certainly Imran's experience: "I was called 'four-eyes' and 'fatso'. I wasn't the kind of person who would make a joke out of being bullied. If somebody's insulting me, it's going to hurt me. I'm big, but that doesn't mean I'm a nasty person," he says.
Shahi, 16, has had his background scorned by peers and believes that difference lies at the root of a bully's taunts. "I got bullied because I went to Bangladesh and when I came back I didn't have flashy clothes," he says. "The bullies picked on my clothes and my accent just because I came from Bangladesh."
Sadly, the problem doesn't rest solely with peers. "Bullying doesn't just goes on at school," warns Imran. "One type of bullying can come from high expectations. I have so much pressure with dad having a go at me."
Effects... and causes
The effects can be devastating. "It's terrible. You cry, you go home and you turn to teachers. You turn to so many people." Despite support from family and friends, Amina says bullies can take over your life. For her the only way to escape was to change schools. "I got bullied by big groups of boys and girls. I've left my college and I'll be going somewhere else." Imran admits bullying can also make you feel suicidal. He says, "Bullying makes you depressed. When someone keeps picking on that one thing, it ruins your whole life."
Most victims, however, understand why people become bullies and some even feel sympathetic towards their perpetrators. Mohammed, 16, pities those who bullied him. "They're insecure themselves. They've got problems and they're just taking it out on someone else." However, Gita, 18, feels bitter towards her tormentors. "They think they're above everyone else. They've got so much pride and they think they're better than the victims," she says. Amina agrees, but sees their attitude as an attempt to cover up their own problems. "It depends on if you come from a stable family or not. If you've got really big troubles and you're not happy at home, you try to take it out on other people," she says.
Feeling alone
Although young people and experts agree that talking is the best way to cope - Imran reckons the main reason bullies get away with their actions is that "victims keep it to themselves" - finding someone to trust is difficult. "They don't know there are people around to help them and they just feel alone," Imran explains. "There aren't enough people for victims to turn to because otherwise the suicide rate wouldn't be as high for them," comments Gita.
Amina, who is able to confide in her mum, is an exception, explaining, "My mother's really nice and she used to ask me, 'How was college?'. I felt really open to my mother and told her what was going on." However, even she understands why most youngsters don't turn to their parents: "My father is very strict. He doesn't even know about it and he isn't going to find out."
One of the barriers to speaking out is the perception that adults in authority fail to act - and peers will label the youngsters who tell a 'grass'. No surprise then that a recent Childline poll revealed that only half of all bullying victims ever report the incident.
"Teachers take no responsibility for bullying," complains Mohammed. "I don't think victims want to go through it all because they're already suffering," adds Gita. Shahi's verdict is damning - "the blame is on the people in charge because they're the ones who can stop it". Personally, he tries to avoid further confrontation. He says, "They say to ignore bullies, and it's true. It might take a couple of weeks but eventually they just get fed up. They're not getting a reaction because you're not giving them what they want."
Imran will only turn to friends as a source of support. "I used to let them bully me, but now, because of the friends I hang around with, I've adopted their values," he says. "When somebody comes up to me and tells me, 'You're ugly,' I say, 'Fine, I'm ugly.'" Writing has also proved an outlet for his experiences. "If there's something I can't talk about or if my friend's not there, I'll write it down in my diary and look it over and say, 'This is what happened and this is how I reacted.'"
While youngsters conclude there are no quick 'fixes', they also recognise they have the power to take the first step to a solution. Gita is firm: "If you want to do something about it, you've got to get down and do it. Kids nowadays should have more confidence and learn how to stick up for themselves because otherwise bullying is never going to end." Though to date he has drawn on his own resources, Imran conludes, "If the victim keeps it bottled up, how can the people who can help know? If you're physically scarred, that repairs itself, but if you're mentally scarred, it lasts your whole life. Unless something happens that changes it, it's always going to be there."
* Names have been changed
About the team
This article was produced by from discussions with students at the Tower Hamlets Summer University conducted by Stuart Fletcher, 16, and Abeyna Jones, 15. It was edited by Kate Mercer, 16, and published in the Winter '98/'99 edition of UK Youth, published by Youth Clubs UK.
